The first few weeks of transition became agonizing after all the bills had been paid. Dreamers often forget that life has its fair share of practicalities and while my nights had been filled with images of India, my mornings were full of rude awakenings. It seemed a mirage, these photographs and their accompanying memories–like the trip had not happened.
For most of June, I felt I squandered my life away in pursuit of windmills, thinking crazily that I’d be rewarded somehow by djinn I could have met in Delhi. Alas, at home, there is no magic in plumbing or ridding a small house of its rodent. The reality of rent, utilities and the daily expenses really shocked me silly! The ground had broken or at least turned into water. I felt myself sinking, trying hurriedly to find my bearings.
Waking up daily, sensing some form of debt, I am reminded of how frivolously one can live if quality of life is determined solely by how much you have in your pocket. To be stripped of a higher pay can be demoralizing especially in the face of a booming economy where prices of goods have not become more affordable.
And yet, and yet, there is joy to be savored because finally, I feel driven by something that will outlast my own mortality. I’ve finally succumbed to the happiness that can be gleaned from works others have created. For whatever reason people create, the radical nature of change forces me to look and to view life anew.
It took a while to get here–but boy am I glad I made it.