I’m not very good at them, really. Don’t know why…I just know that there’s something strangely moving and painful about having to sneak out of a hotel room at 3 in the morning watching your entire city pass you by in all its grandeur. What a beautiful city this is at night. An entire stretch of Old Manila charms under the glow of yellow streetlights and I think this is why my grandparents made it–it’s the right kind of light for falling in love.But who’s falling for anyone, really? Hardly know you, though all of what I know of you is quite wonderful. Maybe in a parallel dimension or in a past life, we might’ve been lovers but in this one, there’s just a cosmic connect. Can’t explain.
It’s lonely to be left behind and no matter how thick we grow our skins, parting is still such sweet sorrow (more sorrowful if we’re to be honest).
So, in the interest of self-preservation—I’m home on the second of March wondering where February has gone and thinking, was it all just one beautiful dream? And if it wasn’t why this rude awakening?
Aha. One last thought before I go: in bed, a few hours ago, I thought inside of sterile, distant sheets that even if I knew what was coming, it’s still worthwhile. We get only one life to live and I’m tired of thinking too much and feeling so little. So yeah, you could say I did it despite the sure promise of pain. It’s just something that ought to be done…helps us grow, I think.
But in my head, while getting everything sorted out as quietly as possible, I hoped you’d wake up (or at least stop pretending to be asleep if that’s really what you did). I wanted to explain myself somehow and say that I was wrong to begin with for overstaying my welcome. I wanted to apologize for lying about a fear of cab drivers–I’ve always found the best ones. Maybe also an apology for not just giving you a hug and saying goodbye? They are just two syllables after all. It could’ve rolled out of my tongue into your mouth as sweetly as when I first said hello.
But it didn’t and maybe I’m not as sweet as you take me to be. Still, I hope someday the signs make our paths meet again. What a story we’ll have to tell each other, aye?