Love, Light, Christmas.

My mother is an expert at putting together the best Christmas trees. She starts sometime in November and the process is laborious. Though one could easily dismiss a plastic tree as something trite and false, I urge you to look at this one and tell me you don’t feel Christmas…

It’s quite possibly my favorite holiday but I shan’t admit it because I’m always emotional during this time of year. I try to be spiritual about it and couple my faith with my feelings but instead of reflecting on a child being born on a manger, I mostly end up thinking about family and how much joy this season brings us. I don’t always look forward to it because we aren’t always the best people but year after year the realization is the same: where would we be without the people who love us unconditionally?

This in essence is really what Christmas means to me. It’s a lovefest that isn’t cheesy or dull but real and full of opportunities to be better lovers. –Incidentally, I’ve been thinking about children recently and marriage (which is odd)…I will be pushing thirty in a few more years and for some strange reason it occurred to me that I don’t want to be too old when I raise my children. I want to have time to know them and be with them and strangely, the biggest revelation this year is that I really really really want some kids. Shucks. I also want to be married, to have a family of my own and a husband to sleep with and wake up to everyday of the rest of my life. Someone I can tell stories to and listen to after tucking the kids in bed…I don’t know why I resist these feelings. Part of me thinks it’s a matter of being responsible and living life without regrets. I want to see the world before being “tied down” and I want to achieve certain things before raising a family but boy, sometimes I see myself baking cookies and reading to fictional children and I can’t explain how happy that makes me feel. I’m also extra thrilled at the possibility of having a child be born through me. It must be such a wonderful thing.

I only wish I could be half as good as my parents are at raising children. And I also sincerely hope and pray for the kind of love my grandparents had. That’s the only thing I’m willing to settle for. Everything else is pretense and will most likely account for nothing. But anyway, love and light this Christmas. That’s all we’re about, yes?

One thought on “Love, Light, Christmas.

  1. Ailen says:

    I always tell myself I’d never have kids but “reading to fictional children” got me thinking… dammit.

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Nash! (That’s a gorgeous tree!) ❤

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