There’s a blog on Tumblr called Dear Old Love and in it is a collection of short notes to people we’ve loved. I stumbled upon it long ago and decided that following it was one of those “i need this to grieve properly” type things. So, I did. After a brief Tumblr hiatus, I went and checked the site for fun and whoa! What the hell was I thinking?! This note stuck out like a sore thumb:
Who I Miss
I don’t miss you. I miss the you who would never have done this to me.
So much for burying the hatchet and leaving the past alone. I’ve been fine since this year began. I made a strict promise to the Universe and decided not to cry or feel sorry for myself anymore. But tonight, I let loose the demons and cried some. It’s not a bad thing after all to feel deeply for things we’ve lost.
I don’t know how much longer it will take before I can finally get over these sticky feelings and stop hoping for different things. Maybe the summer might be good for frying old hurts and making peace with all that remains unsettled? We’ll see.
I’m just glad I finally got to this point where the ground feels more solid than it used to.