Life has to be about being, doing and then having. Everyone says that but habit dictates that I go for having first. So, if I get antsy about something, I go out and buy a book with solutions or purchase something that can substitute for whatever it is I seem to be missing. You get that don’t you? When it isn’t that, I’m waiting for things to begin, waiting for excuses to turn another leaf.
This weekend I really wanted to go under the knife and be a pirate already. I hoped for this surgery to push through early so it wouldn’t interfere with work or school in June but I guess fate has other plans for me. Next week I’ll need a chest x-ray and a new set of blood work done because my old tests might not be valid anymore. It’s such a drag to have to wait these things out. I enjoy following schedules because they give me a firm grasp on things and help me hope for the best, you know? But I guess I really need to learn to let go of the hold I have on things. It’s the only way to hope, I guess. We have to feel like we have no control in order to fully surrender.
Maybe I don’t need the surgery to feel like my life’s beginning anew?
Be, do, have. Be, do, have.
In a less reflective note, I have plans of submitting my resume to Miriam on Monday then I’ll start reviewing for the FSE’s. I think the deadline for application passed already but oh well, it’s never too early to review. Adjusted life plans in the last hour and now I have passing the FSE as another item to tick off the list. So yeah. Work, work, work.