The last time I remember being so wired from all the caffeine in my system was when I was in college preparing for an endless slew of exams and papers. You drink so much coffee to keep you up and hours later you find that your pee smells a bit like coffee too. It’s scary.
But today, I was equally wired. There were no tests except for this self-imposed need to read x number of books before the month ends. It’s been fun, really. You don’t realize how capable you are of doing something unless you set your heart to it and just go for it. So, that’s what January has been about. Mostly, it’s been about reading but beyond that, it’s also been about being a better person. (And taking pictures, ahem!)
January is only a month and its significance is only brought about by the understanding that years begin here and so, I guess, it feels more than okay to make resolutions and start new things on this month. Then again, as the month comes to a close, I wonder how I’m ever going to sustain this feeling of achievement if there’s only January to begin and all other months to maintain? It’s a silly thought but it keeps me up at night mostly because I know I’m a quitter. And this genuinely worries me.
So, instead of keeping tabs on January activities only, I’ve decided to re-write resolutions at the start of each month. Call it crazy but I read somewhere that ideally this kind of thing must be done everyday. We have to keep getting better, being happier and trying harder everyday.
And maybe that’s what helps keep the momentum in the end, you know? The fact that we frequently begin and scarcely end.
This week was a stretch. I’m down to one more book to keep my monthly regimen intact and given this superb hold of caffeine on my system, I think I’ll last. But I ought to stay away from coffee for a bit if I’m ever going to survive the year.
Today’s highlights were: seeing Gracie and finally getting time to talk and walking into D.M.’s wonderful office filled with books and being handed a set of readings so reminiscent of his classes! I think I would’ve been a happy Lit Major but then I know that my craving for politics would eat at me. I would’ve been a happy Lit Minor too but then again, Mr. Calasanz’s rejection of my appeal to credit D.M.’s third world lit class really put things in perspective.
There will be time to read after college (Annie Dillard, Notes to Young Writers).
Yes, ’tis true but for now, there has to be time to sleep also.
p.s. I saw Where the Wild Things Are yesterday evening and felt awful. I didn’t like it as much as the trailer. 😦 There must be something wrong with me.