Books can really save lives. Trite as it sounds, relationships have a knack for using up all of who we are and when you finally realize it, you’re either by yourself or in a relationship–in both cases feeling miserably alone. But alas, lucky for me, I anchored my ship firmly on this love for the written word and I promised to keep coming back no matter what. My version of retail therapy is more like paper-healing where you buy yourself a box of crayons, draw an entire set of rainbow smileys then find a good book to sleep with. I’m drawn to the stories and the infinite ways in which characters can be shaped and presented. It gives me hope to know that people in the books can be real and that if they aren’t for me they must be for the countless someone’s who take time to write about these people.
So yeah, my holidays have been really quiet and devoted to books. 🙂 Christmas came soon enough and I kept mum since the first day of Misa de Gallo because I felt that writing here became an exercise in writing about this grief I didn’t always have in me but seemed compelling enough to write about. Truth be told, I’ve been fine. Haven’t cried in two weeks and though I had doubts about how to survive the holidays, I’m happy to report that it can be done. Granted, many things change. In fact, relationship pain comes second to this “we aren’t getting any younger” one…Christmas each year is never like it used to be when we were children. Our grandparents aren’t with us anymore and it’s the first year that we’re celebrating on our own. But hey, change is good. 🙂 The kids danced, laughed, fought, got excited about gifts while the adults ate, talked, tormented their little hearts by virtue of clocks hours shy of midnight…and for a split second, watching my family in motion sets my mind’s memory back past a decade ago. I’m eight again and anxious about opening gifts and meeting Mr. Claus. My grandparents and I would nap until dinner time then I’d go back to sleep until mass at 10. Then we’d all sit and eat and everything would have a nice soft yellow glow about them and all the world would be this wonderful dream.
Magical is my primordial feeling toward the holidays and despite my awakening to Christianity and what Christmas really means, I have to say, magic still describes best how I feel about all of this. Funny, this is an instant cure. When you remember your younger self and how happy those days were, it matters less that you’re 21, jobless and alone. After all, you used to be jobless, playing on your own and probably 12 instead of 21. So, it doesn’t really matter. 🙂
And yes, I started this entry with books so it goes without saying that i’m definitely starting this year with a book in hand. I envy Sasha for choosing to write about the books she reads. 🙂 This year will definitely be about that! Unfortunately, I might not get any internet up in the mountains so I’ll make this my *00th post and start 2010 with a loud bang followed by some quiet book time. 🙂
Here’s a short list of those I’m taking with me (let me know if i forgot something):
1. The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan
2. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (because!!!)
3. People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks
4. The Stone Gods by Jeanette Winterson
5. Jonathan Safran Foer, maybe?
6. No one belongs here more than you by Miranda July
7. Some Bradbury to live by 🙂
8. & Michael Chabon? Another maybe