I’ve been meaning to do this for ages. In fact, everyday I tell myself to write about everything and anything. But on some days, I’m happy just living a little and worrying less about having to relive the quiet humdrum of everyday.
The funny thing about this year is that it started off pretty loud and exciting. There were trips planned and made. Ten days in wonderful Indonesia taught me two things: 1) There’s nothing like traveling with your sister and 2) one must strive to spend all birthdays outside of the country. Yeah, lofty as that one might sound considering just how unemployed and broke I am, there’s really nothing I would rather do. There was also the brief but final exit from school and sudden entry into the world of adults that made me think about all the things I’ve really wanted to do. It’s quite different when you don’t have schedules to follow or rules to break. Toward the end, the year took an unexpected turn…relationships went kaput and so many people died: my grandmother, good friends, some people I don’t even know who either drowned during the massive floods, got buried under piles of mud or even shot during a recent massacre. I may say it matter-of-factly but really, they seem very personal. How devastating to have to deal with all of this.
And right after that last sentence, everything I wanted to say just flew away. These thoughts about the last few months of the year easily push me to silence. I really don’t know how to judge this year’s events–which isn’t to say we should either. Some famous historian once told me through his book that there’s really no better way to understand events than to think of them after some time has passed. Kudos to him for the realization that I’m now borrowing…but no, seriously, I’m afraid after this month passes, I might jump into 2010 without so much as a thought in my head about what this year was trying to teach me.
But, until I figure that one out, here’s a tiny list of things I want to do in 2010:
1. Start writing that piece of chicklit that keeps me in the bathroom longer than normal.
2. Read all these books on my shelf…or at least learn to accept that some books aren’t my cup of tea. (I secretly think books will hate me if I say I don’t like them…or if I disown them.)
3. Rid my closet of all things drab and dark. That Tumblr meme about being a good girlfriend really hit me. For a while there I stopped trying, didn’t I? I know any guy who deserves me would love me despite what I wear…but you know, I wouldn’t date me right now. These t-shirts and jeans aren’t me…I lack color.
4. Wake up early. (and maybe run?) It’s a shame to be 21, living in my parents house, jobless and waking up really late. Ha! Yeah. There’s also that feeling I’ve been having lately…I think I slept my year away. This business of hibernating is really for the bears. I used to tape my eyelids open when I was younger and force myself awake. “There’s too much life happening out there,” I used to say. Waking up late means a lot less daylight and it seems I’m not that big a fan of the graveyard shift anymore.
5. Get a job I love. So many people think this is too idealistic and naive on my part but really, I think it’s simple. Why waste time doing something I don’t love? Why waste life? There is the question of necessity, yes, definitely. But there’s also something to be said about choosing to be happy and making the necessary adjustments.