Wild Things.

I cannot contain my excitement! The soundtrack, the screenplay and the incredible timing! Please, please, please, let the movie arrive sooner. I have an attachment to my childhood that is both blessing and curse. On the one hand, that jewel (as Rilke calls it) shines with all these wonderful things that keep me wanting to live forever. I don’t think we ever outgrow our child-likeness. We might forget it here and there but it’s always somewhere deep within us, coming out every time we see something or do something awesome. On the other hand, it’s a curse to keep this jewel when it blinds you so much you can’t seem to move forward anymore. I have this constant fear that nothing will ever be greater than those golden days and it’s hard to let that go. But, I’m told this movie is good for people like me and upon viewing the trailer, I couldn’t agree more. πŸ™‚ So…

I want a wild thing costume for Halloween. ♥

On another note, (500) Days of Summer was a painful movie to watch. Hopefully, now that people have seen it, no one will take offense if I blog about it. Barely a month had passed since the break-up and I was having such a hard time sleeping, eating, functioning. Then this movie came to mind and I thought, hey, there might be something there that’ll help. Well, so much for the helping…I loved the film!

BUT

I wasn’t prepared to move past the part where boy meets girl and falls in love. The way I see it, the movie has two parts. First, there’s the bliss which we all like holding on to and second, there’s the real deal. That segment I won’t accept just yet. No way in hell. Not until I reach that point when it becomes okay to fantasize about other guys. For now, me and my loneliness are going to share a bed and keep warm. Okay? Deal with it. Watch the movie, eat the hurt–for now, at least.

Incidentally, I was lent a copy of Alain de Botton’s book, Essays in Love. I’m forty pages into it and already I feel an affinity for it. This man says so much in such an intelligent, clear way. He reminds me sometimes of Pico Iyer because they both love broadening their range of ideas and subjects but believe me, De Botton’s work stands well on its own and I want nothing but to take his words, fill my walls with them and sleep soundly in a word-ly embrace.

I sent him this thought today and he responded very kindly. ♥ I thought I was dreaming but yay! It was real! Imagine that?

“Unrequited love may be painful, but it is safely painful, because it does not involve inflicting damage on anyone but oneself,a private pain that is as bittersweet as it is self-induced. But as soon as love is reciprocated, one must be prepared to give up the passivity of simply being hurt to take on the responsibility of perpetrating hurt oneself.” pg.45

6 thoughts on “Wild Things.

  1. On break-ups, I hate it when people expect me to move on asap. Like it never had, like the shared moments we had didn’t happen, which now leaves me with months or years of memories not accounted for.

    I do want to embrace my hurt and feel the pain, being lonely, the waterworks, the pints of ice cream, the empty space between my fingers where his should’ve been. Pain roots me in reality even when I want to deny it’s happening. Pain allows me the time to be selfish for awhile. I just lost something and it freaking hurts.

    That said, I hope that the healing process will go smoothly for you and that you’d find your happiness πŸ™‚

    PS. we should totally exchange emails now, though we blog about different things I can see the same beliefs and values that I prize in your posts πŸ™‚

    • toynbeeconvector says:

      I know about the expectation of moving on fast as well. My parents and some of my friends haven’t been sparing with their advice…it seems they all have a prescription for forgetting but honestly, I don’t want to forget. You know?

      We might not be in relationships now but I’m sure you remember how good it was and it’s really something to be thankful for. πŸ™‚ At the very least, we loved others and were loved in return.

      Yes, I think emails would be lovely. πŸ™‚ Do you want to give it a try?

  2. !!! i’ve been looking for this de botton book too, as well as kiss & tell to no avail. it took me great pains to get art of travel–which i only managed to skim through, before giving it to someone who needs more than i did (dad). le sigh. let me know if someday you end up selling these works of his!

  3. Ailen says:

    it’s been three years since ex-boyfriend (my first and, so far, the only) and i broke up and i did not expect the movie to take me back to those times. especially since the relationship was a lot like ours — cubao x was our ikea, an isaw stand was our bench, take away the glam and the sex and that was us, i thought. i’ve never really held anything against him for replacing me with someone else, but this movie nudged me to think maybe i should.

    ditto what you said about people wanting you to forget. it was good while there was us, i think i deserve to look back on those times with fondness.

    that is a very nice quote, nash. i’ll hold on to that. and re: your most recent post on ‘how important freedom becomes when you realize there’s no one listening,’ can i assure you that i’m here? πŸ™‚

    (sorry for the tl;dr comment.)

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