the story so far

1. I’m graduating in a week, apparently. I have no shoes to speak of just yet and i don’t think it matters as much as it’s supposed to at this point.

2. We got our minor certificates and it was very sweet of the people from Dela Costa to show some love.

3. Things don’t strike me like they used to.

4. I seem to have a problem dealing with change –you know, i’m a runner and master escapist. When the change becomes inevitable, I run away. Just yesterday I had visions about never setting foot in the Baguio market again because I didn’t think I could bear the sight of those God-awful tents.

5. oh, and did I tell you about work? I missed the entire week and spent the day at home being with my niece and watching both seasons of Brothers & Sisters –because I can’t seem to come to terms with the way things are done at the office. I know, i’m a coward. So shoot me.

6. My friend thinks the world is finally happening to me. The real one, he says…like there was something wrong and fake about the one I previously belonged to. Why does working/graduating feel like one big inside joke that you’re never really a part of?

7. It’s another friend’s birthday tomorrow and I don’t know how else to tell her that I’m sorry. The worst part is, I don’t even know if she cares at this point. i don’t know if she feels this same emptiness I do. It sucks to fight with those we love and something tells me, yet again: THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. (Beck has a song for this called Lost Cause and just a minute ago it went on loop leaving me quite frazzled. I’m tired of fighting…fighting for a lost cause.)

8. …This is my mother’s favorite number. I’m sure compassion only means something to me because she embodies the compassionate person more than Christ does in my life but lately, I’ve discovered that we have too many people working for us at home. The house is stifling and it’s not the heat either. Still, i wish i were more like my mom.

9. I leave for Indonesia the week after next and I’m so excited! This is perhaps the second best thing I have to be grateful for. I just worry a bit because I want my sister to have fun and take time off from everything too. Two weeks into this “world” and already I feel like I’ve got a hurricane in me threatening to take away every good thing I’ve ever known and what? She’s been out here for years and when I look at her, the idealism is still there despite the storms she’s been through. Boy, they weren’t kidding when they said I had big shoes to fill. But anyway, wow, 10 days..I hope we end up finding what it is that’ll keep us safely afloat.

10. The best is still Anton. Sorry, I know is cheesy and passe but while we’ve acquired this habit of fighting on Thursday’s we’ve also learned to let each other in and deal with things. That has to count for something.

oh and yeah, I’m bummed about not seeing Tony Blair too. 😦

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